Posted on: November 26, 2010

Social Etiquette: The Next Generation

Consideration, respect and a little forethought are the key to good social media communication with loved ones

By Anna Sachse
CTW Features

Your parents are on Facebook and LinkedIn, your siblings give hourly updates on their lives via Twitter and your friends catalog all their monumental moments on YouTube and Flickr. But no worries if you somehow managed to miss a great story, because you can always Skype or read their texts, emails or blogs.

In many ways, social media has made it easier for people to share their lives with loved ones. However, just as there is etiquette for work-related forays into the webosphere, people should also mind their manners when it comes to online communication with or about your nearest and dearest.

Here, the experts provide insight into optimizing your most important e-relationships.

The Perks

No matter what you’re doing and how far apart you are in space or time-zones, social media enables you to stay in touch and up-to-date with your loved ones, says Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., a relationship expert and author of “Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love” (Center Street, 2009). You can use the various mediums to celebrate each other’s successes, to advocate for each other’s goals, to comfort each other during crises or to simply feel present in each other’s lives.

“Sharing how you’re feeling and what’s happening in the moment – this has absolutely changed relationships,” Kirschner says. “It allows for a much greater feeling of closeness between you and you’re A-level friends and family.”

The Potential Problems

When using social media to communicate with or about loved ones, there are three common mistakes:

1) Sharing Inappropriate Information

Whether it’s in text, photos or video, revealing something that’s potentially embarrassing about yourself or others is never a good idea, Kirschner says. For example, posting pictures on your friend’s “wall” of that drunken tumble she took on the dance floor last Thursday could create issues if she is “friends” with her boss or coworkers and your raucous night out led her to call in sick the following day. At the very least, those photos may not be the kind of thing she’d like her parents, younger siblings or more conservative friends to see.

“Before sharing personal info about others or posting questionable pictures, it’s ALWAYS a good idea to check in with them and make sure they approve, particularly if you are ‘tagging’ them in the public sphere,” says Daniel Post Senning, the great-great-grandson of Emily Post and the manager of web development, online content and social media for The Emily Post Institute. Even if the info or images aren’t a job liability, material that is simply unflattering has the potential to hurt or humiliate the ones you love e.g. You post pictures of your brother from middle school when he was overweight and had bad acne – for you it’s a funny memory; for him it’s a painful time period he’d prefer to forget.

Other behaviors to avoid include using dirty language (your 10-year-old nephew could be reading that tweet) and airing your dirty laundry (the entire world doesn’t need to know that you hate your boyfriend’s ex), as it can make others uncomfortable.

“A great rule of thumb is to not say or post anything online about anyone, including yourself, that you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying or posting on ‘Main Street,’” Senning says.

2) Using Social Media in Inappropriate Instances

There are some major moments in life – such as marriages, breakups, births and deaths – that are better served by face-to-face communication or a phone call, at least at first. You might think you’re being nice by using your status update to congratulate your cousin on her new pregnancy, but she may have wanted to keep this info under wraps for the first trimester. Or your buddy may not have wanted to make his engagement public knowledge because he can’t afford to invite everyone to the wedding. Make sure you have spoken with your loved one in person before breaking their big news in public.

You should also avoid using social media when breaking up with someone or working out a major disagreement. “When talking to someone, we typically get 80 to 90 percent of our information from nonverbal cues such as tone of voice, inflexion, facial expressions, etc.,” Senning says. Without these cues, it’s easy to misinterpret someone’s meaning or intention, and there is a high potential that you could deeply hurt or offend someone or make matters worse.

3) Over-Using Social Media

Sure, regular use of various social media applications may help you feel closer to loved ones who are far away, but it can become downright rude if you constantly use it while ignoring the people you are actually with, Kirschner says.

So, close that computer and play a board game with your kids, and turn off the ringer on your phone so that you can really hear what your sister-in-law has to say at dinner. A good conversation and a hug trump “liking” someone’s status update any day.

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