Your Newspaper - Your Health - Less Give, More Thanks

Posted on: November 2, 2009

Less Give, More Thanks

When the world is uncertain, there's no better time to be grateful for what you have - here's how to spread the love

By Bev Bennett
CTW Features

When the holiday that calls for thankfulness occurs during a recession, offering gratitude might not be the first thing on your mind.

"Trying to get people to remember the positive is challenging," says Annie Zirkel, a relationship consultant, Ann Arbor, Mich.

It may be especially difficult to get your children to think well of their situation.

"Parents might say, 'hey, it could be worse.' But kids might not understand this. They have no perspective," Zirkel says.

However, encouraging your children to feel grateful is one of the best things you can do for them, according to therapists. Your children are more likely to help others, do better in school and be optimistic, says Zirkel, author of the self-published book, "You'll Thank Me Later: A Guide to Nurturing Gratitude in Your Children" (2009).

How you persuade your children to be grateful is important, Zirkel says.

"If I'm pulling you to optimism when you're at the other end of the rope, you pull back. First, go to where your child is. Give your child acknowledgement that she's bummed. 'You're sad that we don't have X, but turn it [the conversation] around quickly," Zirkel says.

Here are five ways to stimulate gratitude at Thanksgiving:

1. Talk about what you're grateful for.

Go around the Thanksgiving table and let all the family members mention one thing that makes them happy.

This exercise has two benefits, according to Aryn G. Froum, Ph.D., staff psychologist, The Family Institute at Northwestern University, Evanston, Ill.

You're making children aware of things they didn't see as blessings, and you're able to focus on the present, rather than being anxious about your future.

2.Describe the good things that have happened to you.

Again, let everyone contribute.

3.Plan a volunteer activity.

Although you may not be able to offer your services on the holiday, especially if you have guests, you can discuss what your effort will be and how your family will follow through.

Let your children have input.

"Kids are more excited if they have a voice in the decision making," Froum says. Possibilities include helping at an animal shelter; giving away gently used toys and books; donating to a food pantry or visiting residents in a nursing home.

4.Start an accomplishment folder.

Urge your children to save photos, special notes from you and letters about their achievements.

The letters and memorabilia help children feel loved and valued, Froum says.

5.Take a walk in the woods.

Communing with nature not only provides the physical benefits of exercise and fresh air, but may lead you to become more generous and engaged with others, according to a recent study from the University of Rochester (New York).

Bev Bennett, a veteran food writer and editor, is the author of "Dinner for Two: A Cookbook for Couples" and "30-Minute Meals for Dummies"