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Flirty Mind

Steady relationships can benefit from the same winks and smiles that brought excitement to the first date

Couple flirting

Flirting is good for everyone, especially those in relationships, says attraction expert Deanna Frazier, Dallas.

"When people are single and courting they flirt, do things that make you blush and make you feel good," she says. "When you do that in a relationship it keeps that passion going."

Sometimes flirting with your partner is simply a matter of batting your eyelashes and practicing that coy smile, but don't be afraid to get creative with notes and games such as scavenger hunts. Even flirting with someone outside of your relationship can be healthy.

"If you flirt, even if it's just making simple eye contact and smiling, you're saying you are acceptable to me," Frazier says. "Nine times out of ten they're going to smile back. Automatically you're going to feel good."

Seeing you flirt with other people also might be getting you and your partner more excited than you realize says Susan Rabin, director of the schoolofflirting.com. "The other person says, 'Look how attractive other people find you. I'm attracted to you even more.'"

Know when you're going too far and be prepared to set your limits clearly if someone gets the wrong idea. And if you find yourself eating up that attention obsessively, think about why.

"We all know within ourselves where we're feeling a lack of fulfillment in our relationship," says Kailen Rosenberg, Minneapolis, a celebrity matchmaker and life designer. "If we start to notice we're flirting with someone else because we're not getting enough attention from our partner, that's dangerous. Then you need to look at it as a symptom of what's going on with a relationship and how can it be fixed."

In most cases, though, flirting is a great way to keep a relationship steamy while also building your self-esteem.

"Flirt, flirt, flirt," Frazier says. "It's fun, it's a game, it's playful."

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