In Pursuit of Personalization

How to embrace the trend of making one’s wedding one’s own

By Anna Sachse
CTW Features

Whether it’s the groom’s beloved dog as best man, thrash metal played on cellos for the processional of a couple who fell in love listening to Slayer CDs or charitable giving in lieu of throwaway favors for a progressive pair, the buzz word for today’s weddings is personalization, says Laura Cassidy, editor-in-chief of Seattle Metropolitan Bride & Groom.

From adding your own flair to reinterpreting traditions to tossing out the rule book entirely, here’s what the latest trend means and the many ways in which it can play out.

What Started It

“It’s hard to date trends, but certainly the Internet has played a huge role,” says Cassidy. Couples were no longer limited to mimicry of the few weddings they might have previously attended or to a narrow definition as dictated by their parents – a new world of options was at the click of a mouse. Cassidy also credits a few other factors for contributing to a loosening of wedding “rules” and an increased sense of individuality: the DIY era and a backlash to globalization that lead to local, handmade goods regaining value; the rise in popularity of domestic wines and the foodie fad; the rise of metrosexuality; the recognition of global warming and the need for sustainability; and an as-yet-unnamed “zeitgeisty” movement centered on design and fashion.

“Foodie-ism came, in part, from shows like those on the Food Network,” says Cassidy. “And a similar lust for design, style, throwing parties, etc. has bubbled up around shows like ‘Project Runway’ and ‘Top Design.’ Now we know more about fashion and style than we used to, so we’re just not happy with cookie-cutter anything anymore.”

In addition, our society as a whole has become more accepting of personal expression, says Marina Alexandra Birch, owner and principal event designer for Birch Design Studio in Chicago. There are a lot of traditions that surround the wedding ceremony and celebration, many of which are based on religious or cultural beliefs that may not apply to every couple. “But the etiquette, mores and formal traditions that were much more prevalent in previous generations have become less central to current communities and our way of life,” says Birch. “I find that now couples are taking a closer look at what is expected of them and their wedding, and selecting only those traditions that make sense and hold meaning for them personally.”

How to Own It

First, understand that personalization is exactly that: personal. In other words, the sky’s the limit – literally. Perhaps a grand entrance by parachute for a couple who loves to skydive?

But for many couples, the solution is to reinterpret standard traditions in new ways. One couple Birch worked with didn’t want to single out anyone specific during their ceremony to participate, per the tradition of selecting readers. Instead they taped the readings they had chosen under random chairs before the ceremony and then later, when it came time for the readings, they asked their guests to feel under their chairs, explaining that everyone attending was equally important to them so they wanted to offer everyone the same opportunity to participate in their ceremony. Another couple chose to get married under four trees they purchased to create a chuppah. The roots were wrapped in burlap, and the trees were perfectly placed to create a canopy. After the wedding, the couple planted the trees in the garden of their country home where they were married, forever having a living, thriving reminder of their wedding day.

Other couples may simply opt to skip certain traditions that don’t resonate for them or make sense logistically, such as the bride and groom not seeing each other before the ceremony, the bride wearing a veil and/or carrying flowers, having a receiving line, having a first dance, cutting the cake, tossing the bouquet or having a “send off” to the honeymoon.

“We know now that a wedding isn’t about checking items off a list and conforming to a photograph or guide book from 1986 of what the “Big Day” is supposed to look like,” says Cassidy. “It’s about creating a memorable day, a meaningful space and dozens of tiny pockets of discovery that will stay with the guests – and the couple – for many years to come.”

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