Bridesmaid Recession

In tough economic times, some bridesmaids are just saying ‘no’

By Dana Carman
CTW Features

Being a bridesmaid has all the allure of being asked to be a part of the popular clique in grade school. You’re in the inner circle on the bride’s big day. You do things only the wedding party does. It feels so very … important. And maybe that’s why it costs a small fortune.

According to wedding Web site The Knot, it can cost upwards of $1,000 to be a bridesmaid. A recent bridesmaid myself, my costs totaled about $2,000 when all was said and done. Do the math. It may be an honor, but it isn’t cheap, and if multiple weddings are on the horizon, it can be downright undoable for women.

To be fair, some of the expenses bridesmaids incur are expenses they may have anyway. If the wedding is out of town, travel, accommodations and food would be part of the consideration when deciding whether to attend. A wedding gift would be sent either way. There may be other additional expenses for the average attendee as well.

It’s the other mandatory expenses that really bring the costs up for bridesmaids (and let’s not forget that guys get off pretty easy here – a tux and a bachelor party, whoopee). There’s the dress, the shoes, the hair, the makeup, the nails, the shower, the bachelorette party, and other random bridesmaid-related costs that make being in a wedding feel more like a taking on another student loan.

Running the numbers finally made Mary McDonough, 35, of Shelby Township, Mich., say no to being a bridesmaid ever again. A veteran bridesmaid of 10 weddings, she calculated that her costs were as high as $1500 without travel, so when a good friend was looking close to engagement, McDonough kindly told her she’d retired from bridesmaid service. Her friend obliged, they’re still friends and in an ironic twist, she’s in McDonough’s upcoming wedding.

Because she’s cognizant of how expensive it can be, she is trying to keep costs reasonable for her friends. Professionally styled hair and makeup are not mandatory; she’s buying the jewelry; the dresses were under $200 and no particular shoes are required.

While she’s done with being a bridesmaid, she looks back on the experience as a positive one. “It’s really nice to be included,” McDonough says. “I just kind of got tired of it.”

Katie Ryan, 26, of Austin, Texas, has plenty of experience as a bridesmaid – seven weddings – and just plain doesn’t enjoy it, which is why a friend who asked her to be a part of her special day called back and asked her point-blank if she’d really like to be in the wedding. Ryan kindly told her that she’d help in any way she could but that it would be better if, “I wasn’t up there standing next to you but behind you.” Her friend, she says, completely understood.

Not all friends take it as well. McDonough turned down someone she didn’t feel she knew very well and while she still attended the shower and wedding, the relationship didn’t last, though McDonough notes they weren’t that close to begin with.

Which is why Linnyette Richardson-Hall, creative director for Premiere Event Management in Baltimore and a Style Network personality, says that when it comes to bridal parties, brides often act before they think about whom they truly want standing beside them. “They can’t get the luster off the ring fast enough,” she says. “You have a minute before you have to pick people. Think about the situation your friends are in.”

She also advises brides not to take it personally if a potential bridesmaid declines the offer, provided she does it early. “The good thing is the person was honest with you,” Richardson-Hall says. “It’s not an affront or slap in the face.”

But it is awkward, says Ryan, which is why she offers to assist in other ways. Her guilt is assuaged by her good time at the wedding in her own dress and hair styled to her liking. Best of all, it’s free.

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