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Simply the Best Man

The groom’s go-to guy has responsibilities beyond the toast and bachelor party

Best man

Judging from movie weddings you’d think a best man’s only job is to remain marginally sober until he toasts the happy couple.

That’s certainly a big responsibility, and not one that every best man masters, judging from various tales of mortification.

However, the role is one of the most important ones you’ll be assigning to make your wedding day run smoothly, says Harriet Rose Katz, a wedding and event planner in New York City.

“It’s not a token responsibility; it’s an enormous responsibility,” says Katz, with Gourmet Advisory Services, Inc.

Katz advises you to choose your best man carefully. (And if you’re the man requested for the job, you think carefully before agreeing to it, Katz says.)

Although the best man’s duties will vary greatly depending on the needs of the wedding party, here are some of the things he’s typically in charge of:

• Organizing and hosting the groom’s dinner or night out. This can be the bachelor party or something more sedate. It’s also the best man’s job to make sure this gathering doesn’t make either the bride or groom uncomfortable, says Meredith Boyd, a bridal consultant in the Atlanta area.

“The bachelor party is simply a send-off for the groom before entering marriage. The best man should make sure the groom doesn’t get carried away,” says Boyd.

• Arrange for the groomsmen and ushers to be fitted for formal ware, if the wedding calls for that.

• Help out-of-town relatives to their hotels before the wedding.

• Help the groom get dressed on his wedding day and keep him company.

• Get the groom to the ceremony on time.

• Hold the wedding rings during the ceremony.

• Attend to the needs of elderly guests.

• Pay the person officiating at the wedding.

• And, yes give the first toast.

The Tasteful Toast

The best man traditionally gives the first toast when the wedding cake is served, says Harriette Rose Katz.

Couples often move up the timetable so the toast is given earlier in the celebration. That way they’re assured their best man still has his wits about him. It also allows the best man to have a drink or two after his well-chosen words.

“It doesn’t happen that often, but the best man can say something awkward,” says Katz.

Who’s the Best Candidate?

Often the best man is the groom’s best friend and/or someone the groom relies on for moral and practical support.

But wedding experts are seeing more dads tapped for the role.

“Sometimes grooms ask their fathers to be the best man. This is done when the groom feels closer to his father than his friends. It’s also a way for the father of the groom to tell his son he will always stand by his side during life’s journey,” Boyd says.


Bev Bennett Bev Bennett, a veteran food writer and editor, is the author of "Dinner for Two: A Cookbook for Couples" and "30-Minute Meals for Dummies"

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